


May there always be Sunshine

by akani



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Camp Nanowrimo, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mafia AU, Nothing is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Otabek fucks shit up, Otabek is dark in this one, Rough Sex, Russian Mafia, Suicidal Tendencies, hurt without comfort, i'm a liar, oh god I did the thing, otayuri - Freeform, there's no sunshine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-09 13:30:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11670090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akani/pseuds/akani
Summary: Mafia AU in which Otabek is a high ranking member of the Russian BratvaWhen Yuri gets shot Otabek blames it on himself entirely and goes on a rampage that only brings more trouble to them."“I love you”, he whispered. All these years and he’d never told him, he wondered if Yuri had even known it all this time. He should have told him more often; he should have told him every day. How had he not told him that he loved him every single fucking day?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a thing for Camp NaNoWriMo in July. This is the thing.

“Yura”, Otabek screamed desperately, but his cries weren’t answered. He’d lost the blonde a few blocks back already, but he’d hoped so badly that they’d still make it together somehow. He had no clue how the Chinese had actually managed to find them, but they had and he’d been unable to protect Yuri from them.  
He stopped running, for it didn’t matter now if the Chinese caught up to him as well. A world without Yuri was a world he didn’t want to have to be in much longer. He’d been alone for far too long and they’d sworn each other that none of them ever would.

“Otabek!” His name rang out like a shot. The voice carried all good things on earth with it, and unsure if he’d only imagined it or not, it still made him carry on.

“Follow me, Yura”, he called out while he ran like a mad man. He’d killed before, that wasn’t the issue, but he wanted to avoid having Yuri witness him actually murdering someone. Again. The horror in his eyes when he’d had to do it the last time in order to keep his blonde safe was enough for a lifetime. He wasn’t prone to seeing that desperate look on Yuri’s face ever again. Plus, killing a member of the Chinese mafia would only get them into more trouble than they already found themselves in. Conflicts like these were normally settled between higher ranking members of both sides. He was still unsure what had made the Chinese attack them in the first place. As far as he was concerned they’d done nothing to upset them in quite a while, but in the end, with criminals one could never be certain if a deal was still a deal. There was no such thing as security when making business with other criminals. Technically, they were delinquents themselves, so who was he to talk?  
It wasn’t a life he’d have chosen, but since mafia is family business, you don’t get a vote in whether you carry it on or not. Drugs have to be sold, neighborhoods have to be kept clean, it was a certain order that’d be disrupted if an heir decided to just drop out of business completely.

His lungs felt like they were about to explode when he decided it was safe enough to rest in a dark alley. He wasn’t even sure if he was still being followed.  
He barely got to catch his breath before he saw a certain blonde running down the street. With a trained grip, he caught the boy who’d almost run past him and pressed a firm hand to his mouth while shoving him against the wall and pressing their bodies against each other in order to prevent Yuri from kicking and hitting him.

“Shhhh, Yura, it’s me”, he told him and then let go off his mouth, but still remained pressed against the younger.

“Beka”, the blonde barely managed. He was just as out of breath as the Kazakh himself and Otabek could tell he was on the brink of crying, only that Yuri never cried anymore. He had the eyes of a soldier; stubborn and weary from having seen too much shit for a lifetime. Otabek hated that it was at least partly his fault. Only after starting to live with him, Yuri had met thugs, hookers and at just 16, he’d seen Otabek shoot that fucking Korean guy. That night was the last time the Kazakh had ever seen him cry. After that night the blonde’s eyes had finally turned into those of a soldier. Yuri Plisetsky wasn’t weak and with the way he appeared now, one would deem it impossible to hurt the guy. To whomever they met, Yuri would seem detached and impossible to get close to. Only Otabek knew differently.

“Are you okay?”, he finally asked when the adrenaline started to wear off and he took in the sight in front of him completely. Yuri’s eyes were pressed into thin lines and his whole face looked tense.  
“Are you in pain?” Panic began pooling up in him.

Yuri gasped for air before he answered. “Guess they got me”, he panted and only now Otabek noticed how pale the boy was. Yuri was a light skin type anyway, but right now he was plain pale.

“Fuck”, he cursed through gritted teeth. “Where?”

“Dunno. I just… hurt so much”, the boy whimpered. The adrenaline seemed to have worn off for him as well as the Kazakh noticed he suddenly had to hold up more weight than before, because Yuri’s legs had stopped supporting the boy’s body.

Damn, he wouldn’t have kept on running had he known Yuri was hurt. Slowly, he let him slide down the wall, ignoring the painful whimpers for his own sanity’s sake. He needed to get them back home, there was no use in him losing his shit right then and there, he had to stay strong for Yuri.

He wanted to say something soothing, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to still keep in control of his temper if he even tried saying anything to Yuri now, so he remained silent while he tried his best to drown out the panting coming from beneath him. He’d run such random routes he needed to check where the hell they even were, before he could decide what to do next. He had two options; call Yakov to pick them up and drive them home or carry Yuri home himself and call Yakov to tell him to meet them there, but his choice would obviously depend on where the fuck they were. Judging by how his lungs still stung they’d run far, but the names on the street signs didn’t ring a bell at all. He wasn’t used to walking around his neighborhood at night, he hardly knew street names and at night, everything pretty much looked the same to him. Fuck.  
He decided to call Yakov as long as he was still remotely in control of himself.

“Yakov? Yuri’s shot, you have to come get us. We’re somewhere on third street.”  
It was all he managed before hanging up and biting down on his lip. He took a deep breath before he rushed back to where Yuri leant against the wall.  
“Shit, you look awful”, he said almost harshly, trying to cover up his concern.

Yuri only inhaled sharply in reply. He was clearly in too much pain to even talk anymore. It hurt so much to see him like this, and he had yet to find out where they’d even hit Yuri. Now it was clear to Otabek why the blonde had fallen behind at some point. He could only imagine his Yuri going down after being shot and then being forced to get back up because he had to catch up again and the Chinese were still chasing him. Fuck, the thought alone sent chills down his spine. He really had let him down.

Since they’d run away he figured they must’ve hit him in the back, so he proceeded to lay a careful arm around the blonde and cautiously pull him towards his own body for him to lean against.  
“I’m so sorry”, he whispered, while he placed his chin on the weak shoulder to get a look at Yuri’s back. A dark alley really wasn’t the place for this though, so he decided to use his hand as well. Carefully he felt along the boy's back, until his hand stopped at a particularly warm and wet spot. The blonde tensed up and whimpered beneath his touch.  
“Yura, I’m so fucking sorry.”

From what he could feel he estimated there wasn’t much of a bleeding, but that didn’t have to mean everything was alright. They didn’t know yet whether the bullet had damaged any vital organs or not, but from the way the blonde got weaker by the minute it was apparent there had to be some sort of internal bleeding. It was only a matter of time until the body went into shock and Otabek knew that there was barely any hope left if that happened. They needed time.  
He’d almost missed the sounds of the approaching car, but then managed to remind his body that he had to abandon Yuri one last time or Yakov wouldn’t find them. He placed the boy who was by now slipping in and out of consciousness against the wall again and ran out on the open street, so he could direct attention to them. If it was the Chinese now, they were fucked, but then again, they were probably fucked anyhow. At this point Otabek really couldn’t care less. It was Yuri or death; there was no more world without Yuri for him. At least none he was still willing to be a part of; his world was dying in this dark alley.

Luckily, the car indeed belonged to Yakov, who got out in order to help Otabek, but he refused to let him touch his Yuri. If these were supposed to be their last moments he wanted to have them to themselves at least.

“The Doctor’s already waiting for us”, Yakov told him, as he speeded down the street. Otabek knew he was being selfish, Yakov had his bond with the boy as well, but he couldn’t help it.  
Yakov had basically picked Yuri off the streets when his parents had kicked him out for good. Such a beautiful boy wouldn’t have lasted long alone out there, even though Yuri always claimed he was a tiger and a tiger was strong enough to live on his own. Curled up in Otabek’s arms he was more of a small kitty if the Kazakh was perfectly honest. 

Yakov didn’t drive them to their house. Instead, they pulled up in the driveway of a small veterinary clinic. It seemed way too low for their standards, but Otabek knew how capable the Doctor was. He’d been a renowned doctor back in Kazakhstan, but they hadn’t accepted his approbation in Russia. Therefore he’d opened up this small veterinary clinic and started working with the Bratva to make his living. Otabek knew how well they paid him for his services. He’d pay him even better if he saved his Yuri.

When they got out of the car, Yuri was already unconscious and Otabek hadn’t managed to wake him back up. His breathing was slow and uneven. Otabek was sure he wouldn’t get to talk to him ever again, so he pressed him close and whispered words of love into his hair on the whole way to the operation room. Whatever words were exchanged by Yakov and the Doctor were lost to him. They didn’t matter now anyway. All that mattered was his Yuri.

“Place him on the table, won’t you?”, the Doctor told him. Having been prepared by Yakov for what he was most likely dealing with, he'd prepared everything beforehand, his assistant already waiting in the operation room. Although Otabek was an Avtorityet, a high ranking member of the Russian mafia, he was glad he had Yakov at his side in moments like these. He wouldn’t have been able to organize things half as well and they’d have lost even more time.

“Leave now.”

“I don’t-“, Otabek wanted to protest, but Yakov cut him off by grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards the door with him.

“Thank you, Doctor”, the older man said and left with Otabek, who didn’t dare to rebel against him.  
“Let’s get you something to eat and drink. You barely look any better than poor Yuri.”

Right, he’d probably just used up all of his strength over the course of the past hour as well. He’d almost forgotten about himself while he had to worry about his Yuri; his poor Yuri. If he survived this, Otabek would really have to come up with something to make up for it all. Although he knew Yuri wouldn’t request anything; he never really did. He could seem like an unappreciative child at times, but deep down he was still thankful for Yakov and Otabek for taking him in. Deep down the boy knew himself that he wouldn’t have made it a week on the streets. He was so painstakingly beautiful; they’d have eaten him alive.

“Yakov, what do I do if he dies?”

“He won’t. He’s got the eyes of a soldier, don’t you forget about that, Otabek. Plus, do you really think he’s already done being an ungrateful brat towards us? I highly doubt that”, the older man told him.

“There’s so much I still want to tell him. I’ll tell him everything once I have him back in my arms.”  
Gangsters don’t cry, so he didn’t. It was something he’d had to learn in his early childhood already. Never show any weakness. You can’t be anyone’s boss if they’ve seen you weak; at least not in their business.

Yakov gave him a knowing look and then turned away respectfully. “It’s okay, Otabek. I haven’t seen anything.”

His knees hit the floor with a loud thud and he curled up as if there was any solace to be found in a simple change of positions. He pinched the bridge of his nose as the tears started flowing silently.  
“Men don’t cry”, his father had told him. So in order to avoid being caught he’d learned not to make a sound. Yet, he could still perfectly recall the way his father’s belt had felt on his skin when he was punished for being a little girl. It was why he could understand Yuri so well. He knew exactly what it felt like to have your childhood taken from you. They both never were allowed to have one under their parent’s regime. The only difference really was that Otabek’s father had always thought he’d acted in his son’s favor when he prepared him for his future life, and in some messed up way it was true. Otabek would never have made it a day in his position if his father hadn’t erased the concept of innocence from his mind early on.  
Yuri’s parents on the other hand had been plain monsters. His mother for never interfering and his father for… whatever he’d done to the boy. They didn’t talk about that, but Otabek had heard Yuri scream in his sleep often enough to know at least some of it.  
It was a question of honor that he had the boy’s father punished for his sins. Yuri would never know about Otabek tracking his father down and having him confess at least some of his sins. He’d personally made him pay for every single one he knew about. The rest he’d had his henchmen handle; the perks of being in his position.

He took a deep breath, wiped his eyes clean on his sleeve and got up again like nothing had happened.  
“Thanks, Yakov.”

“Although you look more like Vodka and Cigarettes, I would suggest coffee and Blini.”

“Sounds good to me”, he lied. It tore at his heart to leave Yuri behind, but he knew the boy was taken good care of and he couldn’t do anything else despite waiting around anyway.

Otabek didn’t even know there were shops still open at this hour, but Yakov knew all the places, so he got into one, not even bothering to ask Otabek to come with him and just returned with a coffee and Blini as he’d promised.

“So, can you tell me anything about why the Chinese were onto you tonight?”, he asked as they sat there eating.

“Not a clue. We haven’t broken a deal or anything. In fact, we’ve mostly avoided each other for the past few months”, Otabek frowned.

“Do you think they’re trying to gain our territory? Maybe it is just the fact that you were keeping so silent over the course of the last months. Your father used to threaten them from time to time, you know, just to keep a good, stable friendship.”

“I know, Yakov. But I’m not my father. We’ve discussed this, I won’t use the same methods he did. There has to be another way.” He let out a deep sigh.

“I think it would be a good idea to go after the guys from tonight and give them the same treatment you gave Yuri’s father. That was sending a message, Otabek. It needs to be done from time to time”, Yakov suggested.

Otabek hated the fact that the older man was basically playing him. It was manipulation to use his emotions for Yuri in order to convince him to take actions he morally rejected. He hated hurting people, because he’d been hurt enough in his life. There was no use in all the pain and making other people suffer was certainly not something he enjoyed, contrary to his father, though. There was nothing violent about Otabek, except when it came to Yuri, who was the only one to really get to him. No one was to touch his Yuri or he’d make them pay, and Yakov was technically right, the opportunity was perfect for this.  
“Alright. I’ll set things into motion by tomorrow. I’ll decide our course of action depending on whether Yuri lives or dies. If he lives, we take the guys from tonight in and they’ll receive my special treatment before we send them back. If he dies”, he exhaled, “we’re going to wreak havoc. There will be none of those bastards left after we’re finished with them.”

Usually Yakov would have protested and told him that move would be far too emotional, but tonight he didn’t. Otabek really appreciated the man at his side sometimes, ignoring the fact that he was basically officially spying on him for their boss. He was experienced, he’d worked with his father before, but he’d never lost his humanity along the way which was rare in their business. Most of his men were soulless warriors by now, not that he minded it. It was convenient to have people who gladly did the donkeywork, so he’d never have to get his own hands dirty if he didn’t want to. But anyone who dared lay hands on Yuri, he’d grant a personal audience.  
“I’ll break every single bone in their bodies that doesn’t kill them”, he mumbled.

“That sounds reasonable”, Yakov assured him and then drove them back to the clinic. Bless the man.

Otabek barely got any of the food done, but the coffee was gone by the time they arrived there.  
“Any word already?”

Yakov shook his head. “But we both know that’s a good sign. Yuri is a fighter, do you hear me? He’s strong as a tiger if the odds require it.”

“I know. I just don’t think this is much of his responsibility. I mean, even the strongest tiger of them all can receive a lethal blow.”

“Otabek, lighten up, would you?”, Yakov warned him.

The Kazakh snorted. “Easier said than done. You know he means everything to me. Can you imagine a world without him?”

“No. I never tried to, because we will not lose him.”

“I wish I could have a share of your optimism. He was so weak, Yakov. He was almost dead in my arms before we even got here”, Otabek mumbled.

“Let’s hope this wasn’t a strategic blow from the start. Because if it was, they’ve found your weak spot. While you’re busy worrying about our little blonde, I’m concerned for the business your father passed on to you. We should take action right after we get news from Yuri.”

It was annoying how right Yakov was. Otabek was indeed weak when it came to Yuri and it was only a question of time before their enemies would use it against them. The worst thing about it was that Yuri had to suffer because of him. They were trying to get to him, Yuri just happened to have been in the wrong spot at the wrong time.

“Shall we go inside”, Yakov suggested more than asked.

“I’m afraid of what awaits me.”

“Well, aren’t we all? You’re a man of high rank, behave like one for once”, he scolded him. He meant well, but he was also assertive, because that was what Otabek needed; he needed Yakov to tell him to straighten his back from time to time. Although he was technically born into the job, he wasn’t born for it. He’d rather have become a figure skater than a mafia member. When he was younger, his mother had taken him to the rink whenever there was time for it. He hadn’t even been bad at it, but then his father had forbidden him to go back to the rink. He understood why his father had done it, but it didn’t make it better. Of course, he’d never have been able to take on his father’s position if their enemies had seen him figure skating on TV before. Members of the Bratva don’t figure skate.  
He’d definitely take Yuri to the rink once this was over. There was so much more to life than just work after all. Otabek had to remind himself of that fact from time to time as well.

“Okay”, he finally answered and got out of the car first.

They waited inside the clinic for at least two more hours – not that he still had any feeling for how much time had passed – until the Doctor finally stepped out of the operation room, looking exhausted as hell.  
Otabek had to fight back the urge to jump up and bombard the man with questions. He knew he’d tell them everything in a few seconds.

The Doctor took a deep breath, pulled down his mask and rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand that wasn’t gloved anymore already.  
“He’ll be fine”, he told the two waiting people.

“Thank god”, Otabek let out before the Doctor could continue.

“As you know I don’t have the capacity to keep patients here, but with a gunshot wound you can’t take him to a hospital either, so we’ll have to create an atmosphere that is as abacterial as possible, because his immune system is in really bad shape. This basically means he’ll be overly sensitive to diseases the next few weeks, if not months. We want to avoid pneumonia and the like, for such things could kill him while his immune system is still weak. He’d lost a lot of blood due to a ruptured artery that bled into his body, so I had to supply him with blood transfusions, but I could fix that. With his immune system like that, his body will also have a pretty hard time taking care of the wound, which means it will heal much slower than wounds usually do, so we’ll have to check on it frequently. I advise you to give him the bedroom, I’ll help you set it all up and I strongly recommend you sleep in a different bed, so the IV stays where it is and his wound can’t get irritated.”

It did make sense, but it was a lot to swallow. Still, the bottom line was that Yuri was going to be fine, which was the only thing that counted really.  
“Yura”, Otabek murmured. “Can I finally see him?”

“Yes, you can. He’s still in the operation room, because I have nowhere else to put him right now, so please don’t be irritated by any mess”, the Doctor told them.

As good as he was in his field, since he only had one assistant he trusted enough to do his work for the mafia, he was a little messy. Operation rooms were cleaned in no time after every operation in normal hospitals, but since there was no room for patients here and the only assistant had to supervise the patient’s vital signs, there was also no time to clean up before letting Otabek in, which would provide him with a sight of blood in way too many places, bloody tools, bloody tissues and basically too much blood in general for a normal person not to lose their nerves. Being a gangster did not make Otabek immune to human emotions after all, so he was preparing himself for what awaited him as best as he could, though he knew he’d still be completely shocked by the sight. He had to help them carry Yuri out of there after all, so there was no way to avoid having to go in there anyway.

When he finally dared to step in, he really had to stop himself from getting sick right in the spot. It was even worse than he’d imagined it, although his imagination had already been rather bad.  
“Yura”, he whispered as if talking in his usual volume would disrupt Yuri’s pain killer induced sleep.  
He looked so fragile lying there. So broken and vulnerable. Thankfully, the assistant had already removed the incise drape, so he didn’t have to see that bloody mess on Yuri’s body.

“Mister Altin”, the assistant greeted him respectfully.

“Thank you for your work tonight”, he acknowledged and then turned back to the blonde. He stepped closer but did nothing else but look at Yuri, not daring to touch him in his state.

“He won’t feel a thing”, the Doctor told him, clearly having picked up on his insecurity. “You will have to carry him to the car and into your house anyway, since we don’t have an ambulance.”

“Remind me to buy you one.”  
He was mad at himself for not having done this any sooner. They really could have used an ambulance now, so they wouldn’t have to risk hurting Yuri during the transport to Otabek’s house. Not that it was really his decision to make, but he didn’t mind.

“How do I… pick him up best?”

He still didn’t dare to touch Yuri, but the Doctor explained to him in great detail where he could safely touch him and how he was supposed to carry him. The thought was still unsettling but it was no use. Thankfully Yuri always had a hard time gaining weight and was therefore light as a feather.  
He took a mental note though to make sure he’d eat better in the future. The boy was much too skinny for it to still be healthy. But he’d been a bad eater from the start.

“I’ll take better care of you, I promise”, he whispered at the sleeping form in his arms as he carried him to the car.

“Here, just hold this up as best as possible. I’ll be behind in my car with the other medical supplies and we’ll meet again at your house, Mister Altin.”

“Yes, thank you.”

The ride was hell on earth. Every small bump seemed to irritate Yuri and despite the Doctor telling Otabek that he wasn’t in pain, he couldn’t help but think he was whenever he winced in his sleep.

It still seemed unreal how they’d gotten into this situation, but now they had to deal with the consequences of their, no, of his life. Once again, it became painfully clear to Otabek that Yuri was only hurt because he’d dragged him into his life and he’d been caught in the middle. He wasn’t born into this business and he had done nothing to get pulled into it but to make Otabek fall in love with him.  
“Yuratchka”, he whispered again when they were almost there. “I promise those guys will get what’s coming to them. No one will ever hurt you again.”

“Don’t promise things you can’t keep, Otabek. I know you don’t want to hear it, but this right here is your life. You know that. You know how your parents died as well. It is a burden you were born with and you will carry it to your grave. The only question is if you’ll carry him there with you as well.”  
Yakov’s honesty wasn’t what Otabek needed at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, editing this was such a pain in the ass. Sorry this took me so long!  
> It also seems ao3 fucked up the format, yay.

“Whatever information you’re hoping to get from us, you won’t get it”, a hoarse voice spat with a strong Chinese Accent.

 

“Gentlemen, this is not about information. This is just about the three of us”, Otabek told them calmly. “I take it you remember the events of that night pretty well.”

  
“What is this about?”, the Chinese exclaimed.

 

“Well, I do recall it very well”, Otabek went on as if nothing had interrupted him.

 

“See, I brought you here to discuss some things with you and for you to deliver a message to your lovely boss for me.”

 

“I have no clue what you’re talking about!”

The man was struggling against his shackles to no avail. Otabek’s men had tied the two Chinese men to chairs and one of them wasn’t even awake again yet.

 

“Let me help your memory”, the Kazakh said with a sweet smile and proceeded to remove the blindfold from the man’s eyes.

 

“You!”

 

“Yes, me. Good to see you again. Thanks for accepting my invitation on such short notice. I’m really glad you could make it here”, he proceeded as sweetly, but leaning on his baseball bat he made it apparent this wasn’t going to end well for his guests.

“So, want to tell me why you were chasing us that night?”

 

“I’m not telling-“

But before the Chinese could finish, Otabek had swung the bat at his shin. The cry the man gave was easily loud enough to wake a whole neighborhood, which was evidently what Otabek had rented this warehouse for. He didn’t have to worry about such basic things here.

 

“I don’t care anyway”, he told the still whimpering man with a shrug of his shoulders.

 

“Hey! Where the fuck am I?”, the other man now screamed frantically.

 

“Oh, did we wake you up? I’m inconsolable”, Otabek told him sarcastically as he approached him. “Glad you finally decided to join us. It would have been a pity if you’d missed all the fun.”

The Kazakh removed the other man’s blindfold as well. “Good morning, sunshine.”

 

The man’s eyes had widened in horror the second they’d adjusted to the light. “What kind of sick shit is this?”

 

“I was considering just ringing your boss up and telling him myself that you don’t fuck with me. But then again, it’s much more fun if we do it this way. Plus, isn’t it much more convincing if you tell your boss to stay away from me?”

 

“Damned Russian!” The Chinese spat in his direction, but only hit the floor.

 

“Kazakh”, Otabek corrected him, even though it didn’t really matter.

 

Otabek was usually a really nice person and one could easily think he wasn’t even capable of killing a fly, but that was exactly why he made sure some of his men were watching him take care of the Chinese. After he had taken over the business, his father’s men had not wanted to accept him at first. Some of them he’d even had to _replace_ because of it.

 

“So, since I already had a go at your friend’s leg there, I guess it’s much safer to go for your arms. Wouldn’t want you being unable to run back to your lovely boss after we’re done. It’s not like I want to kill you, although you’ll wish I did”, he told the man in front of him.

“Oh boy, look at you! This is going to be so much fun!”

Otabek was way too excited for his own good. This wasn’t entirely about Yuri, he knew that.  Part of him found great pleasure in hurting those people, terrorizing them to the point they’d beg for him to stop, while part of him was screaming inside his head, begging him to stop this madness. He hated the monster he’d become, but that thought had to be pushed aside for now. He’d have Yakov cover his mirrors before he returned home. He swung his bat at the man in front of him with breaking force in order to make the voices stop. A cry ripped through the air, so full of agony, he almost felt sorry. Except for the fact that those people really deserved what was coming to them. They’d hurt his Yuri; he kept on telling himself that as justification for his violence, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that, deep down, he enjoyed their screams. They sounded so beautifully desperate.

 

He stopped talking to them at the point they weren’t able to form coherent sentences anymore. Otabek figured ridding them of their fingernails had probably been taking things to far, but there was no going back now as the ever present darkness in him was consuming his soul.

“Does it hurt?”, he asked them while both of them were practically constantly wincing from their wounds and fractures. “Good.”

 

“Chris, bring me my gun, would you?” His favorite part of the show was just about to begin. Especially cool with audience present.

 

A barrel gun was handed to him a few moments later.

“But you said you would let us live”, one of the Chinese cried with panic in his voice. A surge of adrenaline must have helped his vocal chords.

 

Otabek pretended to be contemplating something before he answered with a shrug of his shoulders: “Well, changed my mind.”

 

“You can’t do that!”

 

“Watch me”, he grinned as he checked the barrel for its load, put it back in place and cocked his revolver.

 

“Who even uses a revolver anymore”, one of the men shouted at him.

 

“Me. I think it’s cool, don’t you?”

With that he aimed at the one whose leg he’d broken with the bat before and fired at that same leg.

 

“Fuck! You bastard”, the other shouted while the hit one’s screaming had become incoherent.

 

“Quite the screamer, eh?”

Otabek now turned back to the one whose arm he’d broken.

“I’m going to kill you.” “No! Please! I have family! You can’t-“

 

“Scum like you has a family? Too bad for them.” He walked up to the Chinese again and held the gun to his temple. The man tried to free himself and started flailing his head, until Otabek pressed the barrel against his skin with more force. “Hold still.”

 

“I’m not a monster. So, any last words?”, he offered to the Chinese.

 

The man whimpered. “Just- tell my family I love them”, he cried.

 

“Not doing that”, the Kazakh declared as he cocked the gun and pulled the trigger. Nothing more than an empty click was heard, followed by horrified screaming of both men.

“You can do that yourself the next time you see them.”

 

He had by now rid them of their fingernails, cut the soles of their feet, broken and shot one man’s leg, broken the other’s right arm and done the mock execution. As much as he’d have loved to do more to them, he had to restrain himself. Fracturing their ribs was something he’d avoided for it bore the risk of puncturing the lungs. That was why he’d generally avoided hitting their upper bodies too much.

None of them dared to even speak to him anymore; he’d clearly made his point. This was where he needed to stop himself and remind him that he was still human after all. As much as he’d have loved to rip the two men apart with his bare hands, that wasn’t what was going to happen.

 

“Chris, I’m leaving. Take care of our guests, please.”

He’d turned his back to the men in order for them not to see his own pained expression or notice the tremble of his hands as he clenched them into fists, dropping the revolver carelessly.

 

There was no driver to pick him up when he stepped out into the cold night air. He’d driven here on his own, something his father had never done. He wasn’t like his father, at least that was what he kept repeating to himself while he got on his motorcycle.

They’d started early this morning, time had simply flown away. It was time to get back to Yuri now, although he knew Yakov looked after him very well and he could trust the man.

 

On the drive home he felt awfully empty. He’d just tortured two men for countless hours, yet he felt no remorse. Maybe he was becoming more and more like his father after all. He was so used to all the violence in his life that he hadn’t even bothered to clean himself up before getting on his bike. Luckily, there were no people on the road that night. Running into the police like that would surely have gotten him into trouble. At least into unnecessary bribe work for he basically owned the police in his territory. It always made sense to bribe the right people and threaten the others.

 

His heart was heavy with his mind stuck on Yuri at home. He hoped the boy was alright, but Yakov hadn’t called him either, so he just figured.

The man’s words still haunted him.

“Don’t promise things you can’t keep, Otabek. I know you don’t want to hear it, but this right here is your life. You know that. You know how your parents died as well. It is a burden you were born with and you will carry it to your grave. The only question is if you’ll carry him there with you as well.”

He repeated it them his head like a prayer. This, everything of it, was his life and he was evidently dragging Yuri into it more and more each day. If he really loved the blonde, he knew he had to let him go but his ego wasn’t going to let that happen.

He needed Yuri in his life, needed him to stay sane. There was no way he was going to send him away. Yes, they would eventually go down, but they’d go down together. It’s what they’d promised each other.

“Forever us against them all”, Otabek recalled Yuri telling him just weeks ago. Fuck, the Russian could be so extremely cute it always ruined the image of the aggressive person he was constantly trying to be.

“Strong as a tiger” was what he wanted to be, yet he was a kitten in Otabek’s lap. There was nothing predatory about the boy really, not to the Kazakh. Yuri was strong, but more in a sense that he could endure so much with his stubborn soldier eyes that had created a barrier most people would be unable to cross.

Yuri Plisetsky had decided to lock people out of his life for it was safer after what he’d had people do to him. There was no reason for him to believe anything good could ever come from other people; except for Otabek and Yakov who had gained the boys trust over the course of years. And Viktor of course, but that was a given.

 

“I’m home”, he announced as he stepped inside, hoping Yuri would come to greet him just like he always did, although he knew it was practically impossible. The boy was still in really bad shape after all, Otabek had no illusions of miracles happening to them. Nothing good ever came to him and if it did, life would take it from him eventually.

Yakov had covered the mirrors already. It was a routine they had after every time Otabek killed or tortured someone. Yakov knew the Kazakh well enough to know what made him unable to look at himself by now. And thankfully, he’d also stopped commenting on it. In the beginning he’d always told him how he wouldn’t be able to follow in his father’s footsteps like that. Deep down Yakov was just worried for Otabek, he knew that, but they’d never speak that openly to each other. You didn’t tell a gangster that you were just concerned for them.

 

“How is he?”, Otabek asked immediately as he spotted Yakov in the kitchen.

 

“I think he’s fine. He hasn’t been awake, but that’s no wonder the Doctor said. He was here a few hours ago to check on the wound and give new medicine to Yuri. He didn’t say anything negative about the wound”, the man answered him while he turned around.

“I advise you take a shower”, he added after looking at the Kazakh.

 

“Good to hear. Yeah, I figured I’d gotten myself a little dirty today.”

He wanted to rush inside his bedroom and check on Yuri, but he knew what the Doctor had told them about avoiding getting bacteria into the room, so he figured he should clean himself up first.

“I’m going to take a bath”, he said while he meant _“don’t disturb me for a while.”_

A shower would have been faster but he knew he wouldn’t feel clean afterwards. Bathing didn’t do the deal either, but it felt much better than just showering. He needed to rid himself of the guilt of his crimes and he needed to rid himself of the predator inside of him that still wished he’d torn the Chinese guys to shreds barehanded. He was so damn angry and normally, Yuri was his remedy, but with him still being hurt there was no way he’d have his way with the blonde. Their sex tended to be rough, but it was still no fun if wasn’t pleasurable for both involved parties. It wasn’t about taking their anger out on each other; it was about making the other forget their agony for a short while. Sex worked well for both of them, but it was also coming down together afterwards and remaining in bed still tangled up for hours sometimes that provided a remedy for their barely patched up hearts. Others would have called it cuddling, but members of the mafia didn’t cuddle.

 

Right now he longed to cuddle.

 

That night the water filled the tub much faster than it usually did, at least it seemed to do that, but Otabek knew that it was his thoughts occupying him so much that he simply didn’t notice the time flying by as he undressed and apathetically watched the water cascade into the tub. It was a tub big enough to easily fit two people inside. Otabek had picked it so they could use it together after particularly hard days, just like this one. “Yura”, he mumbled unable to control himself.

His gaze shifted onto the pile of his clothes on the floor. They were more stained than they’d ever been before. So that’s why Yakov had even mentioned it. Without the mirror in the hall he had not have a chance before to witness the extent of tonight’s work. _Work_ , it was such an inappropriate word for what he’d just done. He’d ruined two people’s lives. And those of their families, as at least one of them seemed to have one. Just like him; he had Yuri, and he was family to him. He knew the Chinese guys would probably not see the next day after facing their boss again and he couldn’t help but remember the horrors of Yuri being shot had brought him; how broken he’d felt when he’d thought he wouldn’t see him again. There was no way their families wouldn’t be left with the same agony. They probably didn’t even know about their husband’s jobs, and in their business the dead tended to just disappear. They’d never even find out what happened; it was cruel. He was cruel for doing that to them.

The only thing, though, he kept wondering about was if it was the job that was turning him more and more into this monster or if he’d been a monster from the start and the job was just bringing it out. He feared it was the latter and hated himself for that. That was why he couldn’t stand the mirrors on such nights, probably not for days afterwards, which usually evoked fights between Yuri and him because Yuri always needed the mirrors. He constantly felt the need to check his appearance. Why, Otabek didn’t know, he’d never met anyone who could have compared to Yuri’s beauty anyway; his beautiful Yuri.

 

He was snapped out of his thoughts when the soles of his feet suddenly got wet. The tub had run full and was now starting to spill the excess, which resulted in a stream of rosy water running towards him as the water soaked his clothes and carried a hint of blood away with it. Otabek watched the colored water flow at his feet for a while, before he finally managed to make a move towards the tub, close the tap and pull the plug. He hadn’t been that out of it for a long time. It made him way too vulnerable for his own liking. He preferred to be the strong one in this house. He only recognized the eyes of a soldier in Yuri because he had them as well after all, and he was trained for combat in contrast to the Russian.

He’d given a gun to Yuri when he’d turned 16 and he’d trained him to handle it, but he’d also promised the boy that he’d never have to use it. In the end that had probably kept Yuri from protecting himself that night, but it was also his personality. He wasn’t meant to fight, he rather just endured whatever was coming to him. It sickened Otabek to think about what that entailed; what exactly poor Yuri had endured in his life already. It wasn’t fair how bad things always seemed to come to those who deserved them the least. Otabek wanted to give Yuri everything. Instead, he had been shot because of him. This life was killing them both. Slowly but surely and maybe one day, just all at once.

“I’m so sorry I can’t be a better person”, Otabek mumbled to himself as he placed the plug back in the drain and stepped into the tub. The water was way too hot for him to relax in it, but his mother had taught him to always use hot water for stains and dirt. “If you want it clean, just use as hot water as possible”, she’d always said. She probably hadn’t meant it like that but it was something he was unable to get out of his head again. In order to feel at least a little clean again he’d have to burn his skin pure. It wasn’t good if it didn’t sting properly.

 

“Otabek, are you okay in there?”, Yakov called as he knocked on the door. He didn’t feel like answering, because no, he was not okay at all, but it wasn’t what Yakov meant. He hadn’t bothered to sweep the water off the floor, so it was probably soaking through underneath the door.

 

“Yeah, just spilled a little water”, he lied to avoid further questions. Even if this was only Yakov he knew better than to let down his guard too easily. If his men didn’t take him seriously it would only cause problems and Yakov was by all means the most important of them and there was no way Otabek could risk him running to their boss about him being too emotional; that was how you got yourself _fired_ in this business.

“I’m just finishing my bath before I clean this up.”

 

Thankfully, Yakov didn’t ask any further questions and didn’t make this harder on the Kazakh than it already was. But even though they were close, Yakov was the one person that could get him killed in no time and he needed to remind himself of that fact constantly. There was no such thing as friendship between the different members, although their boss liked to refer to them all as a brotherhood. _Bratva_. It was only one big joke to Otabek, he’d never really felt like he was part of a family before he’d met Yuri.

 

Otabek finished his bath when his skin was shining in an abused red from the heat of the water and his rubbing. He wanted so badly to feel clean again, for the stains to go away, yet looking at his fingers he could still see the blood sticking to them. He’d been born and raised in hell, there was no way to escape that now. He’d often considered just running away, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it; it would make all the deaths so meaningless. It wasn’t only his parents that had found an early death, but a lot of their personnel as well. And all the people they had killed; those he had killed, it was far too much to just end everything now and take all meaning from them. It didn’t feel fair towards them and their families.

He hadn’t given Yuri the gun training he’d received himself. He’d made Yuri shoot cans, posters and trees. Otabek’s father had made him shoot stray cats and dogs. “Moving targets”, he’d always said, “are more real.”

He was right, they were, but there was no way he’d make Yuri kill any living creature. Especially not a cat when the boy loved cats so freaking much. He’d make sure to buy him one after his recovery. Yuri had asked him for one more than once and he’d always refused him, but he didn’t even really know why. He had his cleaning staff to take care of whatever mess the pet made and Yuri would probably take care of it himself anyway. He’d simply always said no. But now, he never wanted to refuse Yuri any wishes ever again, for the boy should have whatever he wanted. Life could end so fast and unexpected, the thought alone made Otabek flinch. Plus, he had the money to afford a cat and whatever other luxuries Yuri wished for. There was no reason to deny him anything. There wasn’t even a reason to deny himself anything, although he’d been raised on great discipline. He never just got anything he wanted. That was one of the reasons he owned a house when he could easily afford a mansion. And the house he only owned because it was part of his parent’s estate. He’d grown up in another house, but his parents had owned many estates all around Russia, so he’d simply chosen this one in order not to have to stay in his childhood home. Moving out felt more like he was leaving behind whatever memories were connected to the place; the bad as well as the good. Not all had been bad after all.

He enjoyed remembering his loving mother. She had always made sure to check on him after his dad had punished him. Whenever his father had locked him in the closet under the stairs, she’d always brought him cookies when he didn’t watch. Made him crave cookies whenever he felt bad until this day. It was bound to make him fat one day when he got less physical exercise than these days, but oh well, it couldn’t be helped.

Right now he didn’t even want cookies anymore. He didn’t think he could eat anything, although he hadn’t eaten all day.

 

When he finally got out of the tub the water was already too cold for him to stay inside any longer. Plus, he really wanted to go check on Yuri already, although he wasn’t expecting anything but to find the boy asleep in their bed.

He dressed in nothing but his bathrobe and didn’t bother to clean up the water or even pick up his clothes. His housekeeper could still do that in the morning anyway.

He made an effort to be as quiet as possible when he passed Yakov reading in the living room and went into the bedroom. There he laid, his beautiful Yuri. His face looked much more relaxed than the day before. He hardly ever looked this relaxed in his sleep because of the nightmares he always got. The machines told Otabek that he was still alive, although his face still somehow lacked the color of a living person. But that was okay, the Kazakh wasn’t expecting him to look all fresh after what had just happened. He was just glad his Yuri was still there with him at all.

 

“I’m so sorry”, he whispered as if he didn’t want Yuri to hear him, although the blonde was evidently still out of it. “I’ll make this up to you. I’ll buy you a cat. You can call her whatever you like. I promise I’ll buy you a cat.” As if that would make him wake up.

The last words made him tear up, because he knew this wasn’t about the damned cat. It was the fact that he was afraid he was denying Yuri the life he deserved by binding him to himself like that. He wanted for Yuri to be able to live whatever life he wanted and therefore, to get whatever he wanted. This wasn’t about a damned cat. This was about Otabek taking Yuri’s life away from him for the sake of them being together. His own vanity made him take advantage of the Russian boy in the worst way he could possibly take advantage of him; not sexually, but concerning his whole life. It wasn’t fair, he swore he’d change that. He’d have to talk to Yuri about what he was getting himself into and tell him that it was okay to leave if he wanted to. No, he’d tell him to leave, because it was really the only way the boy would even live to get old one day! If he stayed like this with Otabek he’d surely die early. In his business, people didn’t die of old age and their spouses were mostly killed along with them. The mafia didn’t care about fairness when it came to the enemy. Yuri must have known that from the way Otabek treated their enemies, but then again he was probably at his side for too long now to know what was right and what was wrong anymore. He’d been so young when they’d taken him into their home and introduced him to the life at the side of a mafia member. He probably didn’t have a choice of himself anymore, because his freewill had already been corrupted. Otabek had to send him away! There was no way of avoiding the inevitable if he wanted Yuri to live. And that, he really did want. Yuri was born into a messed up family as well, but not as messed up as Otabek’s, there was no need to make his life even more painful at this point. He should have sent him away much sooner, but he’d never gotten past his own vanity before. He was rotten by this business already and he was used to taking whatever he wanted. But what he really wanted and needed was to know Yuri was safe, which he could never be at his side. The realization hurt but it was necessary.

“I need to set you free from this”, he breathed and it was almost even quieter than his whispers. He almost didn’t know himself if he’d said or just thought it. “You don’t deserve this. You deserve to live, Yura. If I could I’d make you live with me forever, but it would kill you on the long run. Don’t you see that I’m the most deadly thing in your life right now? How can you not see that, you stubborn idiot?”

 

“You should let him decide that for himself, Otabek. I don’t think he’d ever want to leave your side”, Yakov spoke from behind him. How had he gotten this close without him noticing? Was he that exhausted or did he just completely let down his guard in his own house?

 

“How dare you talk to me, Yakov?”, the Kazakh hissed.

 

“You know I’m right. You know Yuri as well as I know him”, the man continued.

 

“But he doesn’t know what’s good for him! Hell, look at him lying there! It’s a miracle he isn’t dead!”

Otabek snapped out of his role as the gangster again and returned back to being vulnerable without even noticing it. He now felt the tiredness overwhelm him. How he wanted to just lie down beside Yuri, but he knew it wasn’t a clever thing to do. He would only hurt him in his sleep if he even dared to fall asleep next to him like that anyway.

He steeped close to him and placed a chaste kiss onto the boy’s cheek.

“I took care of the guys who hurt you. Don’t you worry, they’ll never hurt you again.”

 

Immediately he shot Yakov a dangerous glance for he knew the man wanted to say the next hurtful thing, but he was surprised to find him looking away in order to spare Otabek’s dignity.

“Thanks”, he hissed and then went past the man in the direction of the guest bedroom he occupied while he wasn’t allowed to sleep in his own bed with Yuri. The place seemed ridiculously big to him anyway, but with Yuri basically not present it felt even more unnecessary to own such a big house. As he lay down in bed, he considered moving into a small flat after… after this was all over.

 

Although his body was screaming at him from exhaustion his mind couldn’t shut out his thoughts. Instead he grabbed his phone from the nightstand. He hadn’t even had that with him. If Yakov had tried to call him, he wouldn’t even have reached him. The mistake bothered him even though it hadn’t caused anything bad, yet it was still something that couldn’t just happen to him.

At least he still had battery left from not using it all day. He went through his contacts, but there was really only one person to ask for advice in a situation like this if it wasn’t Yakov.

His fingers and tired eyes quickly found Viktor Nikiforov in his contacts.

“Can we please talk?” It wasn’t like he expected an answer in the middle of the night, so he placed his phone back on his nightstand, but just then it buzzed.

 

“Sure! What is it, dear?”

Viktor was always so awfully touchy-feely. Otabek would have hated it if he didn’t appreciate the man as much as he did. He’d first met him as a small child in Russia already when his parents had introduced him as a business partner, but he had no more memories of that now. They hadn’T met each other that often back then, so Otabek had simply forgotten about the man again.

 

“Can we meet?”, Otabek texted back.

 

“Now?”

 

“Yes.” “Ok. Come over.”

 

“Thanks. I’ll be there in 20.”

 

It was a 15 minute drive from his place to Viktor’s, so he quickly got dressed and went for the door.

 

“Where are you going?”, Yakov stopped him.

 

“Out. Don’t know when I’ll be back. Call me if something’s up.”

Thank god the man didn’t dare say anything dumb to that. Otabek was so on edge, he probably would have snapped.

 

He’d only met Viktor Nikiforov again when Yuri had demanded to see the man shortly after moving in with Otabek. It turned out he’d somehow met Viktor during his time on the streets and had even slept at his place in especially cold nights, but he’d always refused the offer to move in with him. Then, one day, their contact had died down as Yuri was thrown out of his home completely and lacked all means of contacting the man. Plus, the first nights his pride had prevented him from just walking to the pompous mansion of Viktor who really didn’t make a secret of his riches.

Instead, Yuri had stayed on his own and Yakov finally found him when he was almost too weak to even walk anymore.

After days of basically just sleeping in front of Otabek’s TV in his living room, he’d asked the Kazakh to take him to Viktor’s, and that was when they first met. It turned out the Russians had been knowing each other for years already and therefore Viktor had quite the insight in Yuri’s family history. He’d helped Otabek find Yuri’s father in the end, although it had taken him a lot of persuasion as the man usually didn’t get involved in such business. He always said he was fine with stealing, but he wasn’t a murder kind of person. Did that make Otabek a murder kind of person? Probably. Oh, the places you go in life.

 

He arrived shortly after and rang the bell in front of the brazen gates. Not to his surprise it was Viktor himself who answered and asked who it was, as if he didn’t know already.

 

“It’s Otabek, you man-child!”

He really wasn’t up for the Russian’s games right now.

 

As there was no further answer, he could imagine the man pouting while the gates slowly opened. He’d never dare to display his wealth like this. Not that it was only unnecessary, it was also quite dangerous. Although Viktor paid at least three different security agencies to secure the whole of his estate. Otabek often wondered if it was really just jewelry that made the man this crazy rich. Even though he earned a lot of money himself he’d never be able to afford that big of a mansion with as much security. But Viktor Nikiforov lived a childhood dream. It suited him well, if Otabek thought about it. The man was basically a big child when it came to dreams and aspirations. It was only hard to imagine him as a strict boss to someone, and Otabek knew in their position one had to be strict, but he’d also seen the man handle a few business things by now and it was as if you were standing in front of a completely different person. It was something like split personalities when you talked to him all friendly and he received a call only to change into his dead serious business personality. Only to change right back the second he hung up. Viktor Nikiforov really was an interesting person.

 

“Otabek! So nice to have you here”, Viktor greeted him at the door.

 

“Vitya.” The Kazakh nodded at him. “Thanks for having me at this hour.”

 

The Russian gave him a warm hug. “Anytime, my dear. How’s Yuri?”

 

“Recovering. Got shot by the Chinese”, he answered bitterly. He hated to confess in front of Viktor that he wasn’t able to protect his Yuri.

 

“I heard, yes. My, my, what have you gotten yourselves into?” The question didn’t sound accusing coming from the man, though it would have if it had been anyone else.

 

Otabek followed the Russian into one of his living rooms and sat down on the much too uncomfortable couch.

“I don’t even know. I thought everything was well to be honest, but I guess that’s what it’s like making business with criminals, they fuck you over”, he admitted, gritting his teeth.

 

“I take it you had a little talk with those responsible for hurting Yuri”, Viktor stated instead of asked.

 

“They got what was coming to them. I let them live to deliver the message. I guess their boss will take care of the rest for me. After all, they got themselves caught by us, pretty useless if you ask me.”

 

“Like you’d dispose of such people”, the Russian said with a shrug of his shoulders. “There’s no need to act all tough around me. I know for a fact that you’re a caring person who loves kittens”, he joked.

 

At that, the Kazakh had to laugh as well. “Well, busted. Although I didn’t feel like I really know myself anymore today. You wouldn’t begin to imagine the things I did to those men.”

 

“I’m pretty sure, whatever it was, they deserved it.”

It felt good hearing this from Viktor for some reason. Like he really needed justification for what he’d done to the Chinese earlier. Like it wasn’t enough that they’d shot his Yuri.

 

“Yes”, Otabek sighed to himself, “they deserved it all.”

 

“He’s not awake yet, huh?”

 

“No.”

One simple word to make the air in the room go thin.

“I’m planning to send him away after he gets better.”

 

“That’s why you’re here?”, Viktor asked him. “You want to know what I think?”

 

“Yes, what do you think? Yakov only keeps telling me to let go off him, but we both know that Yakov’s main objective is that this business goes well, and for once, this is not about the business”, the Kazakh elaborated as he rubbed his eyes.

 

Viktor leaned forward and placed his chin on his hand, eying Otabek intently.

“Of course it would be best to send him away”, he stated. “But we’re talking about Yuri here. It’s not like you’d get him to leave anyway. What were you even thinking? You’d need to knock him out cold and take him as far away as possible in order for him to stay away for a while. We both know he clings to you like cellophane.”

 

“Yeah, he does that”, Otabek nodded slightly.

 

“See? Problem solved. You’re not going to get him to leave and the guy can decide for himself anyway, or rather he won’t let you decide for him.”

Viktor’s eyes were still fixated on his face.

“Bed’s made on the first floor. I’m not letting you drive back in that state. No offense, but you look deranged. You’ll probably only crash your car into some bridge.”

 

“Oh come on, you can’t be serious!”

 

“Like I’d joke about something like that. It’s 4 in the morning, you spent the whole day ‘discussing’ your business connection with the Chinese and you’re worried sick for your lover. There’s no way I’m letting you drive back like this. Plus, Yuuri makes the best breakfast in the mornings and you look like you could use a really good breakfast”, he answered with the heartwarming smile he usually wore.

No wonder he wasn’t involved in human trafficking or the likes; Otabek was too nice for the job already, but Viktor was a fluff ball compared to him. The Russian could make Otabek look like the monster he felt he was just by sitting opposite of him and giving him this cruelly warm smile.

 

“You can’t just tell someone in my position what to do, you know”, he tried.

 

“Oh dear”, Viktor sighed but kept his smile. “I’m not telling you this as a business partner, you know that. As the closest Yuri has to a father I’m telling you this to ensure he won’t have to wake up to a world without you in it, because you decided to drive your car into the river at 4 a.m.”

 

Resigned, Otabek groaned. “Fine. You’re right, I can afford to stay here tonight. It is nice to sleep in your expensive satin sheets for a change anyway. Give me a satin pajama as well and I’ll slide out of the bed at night and probably hit my head and die there.”

 

“You’re the worst! Of course you don’t wear a satin pajama in those sheets. You sleep in them naked.”

 

“Only if one’s a pervert like you”, Otabek protested but with a grin. It was part of why he’d texted Viktor in the first place; the Russian was always good for lifting one’s mood. It was impossible to keep a straight face around him most of the time. It could be annoying as well sometimes, but tonight it was exactly what he needed.

 

“I’ll be upstairs. Yuuri is waiting for me. If you need anything, make yourself at home, you know where everything is. Sleep well!”

Almost impossible to imagine that with that size of mansion the Russian didn’t even have a servant. He didn’t like people running around for him in his own house, he always said. The only personnel he had were cleaners. Otabek could see why you’d need them in a mansion this big. He even had one for his house himself.

Viktor had only chosen to employ them after he’d met Yuuri Katsuki on a job in Japan. He’d stayed there for some huge deals and had met the Japanese in that time. When he’d had to leave for Russia again, Yuuri decided to join him and come live with him, but that meant next to work, there was even less time for his household as Viktor loved to spoil his lover. He took him out whenever they found the time for it. Yuuri was a really lucky man. Plus, he wasn’t as much in danger as Yuri was with Otabek. Viktor hardly ever got into fights over deals or deadlines. And if he did, it was mostly solved with money, never with blood as far as Otabek knew. He often wondered if it had been better to leave Yuri with Viktor as well and never get involved with him in the first place, but it was too late for that now.

 

Before he went to bed, he actually paid a brief visit to Viktor’s fridge. There were always delicious things in there; couldn’t really blame him for checking. He’d been given permission to service himself after all.

 

He did feel bad about leaving Yuri with Yakov, but then again he’d have slept in one of their guest rooms anyhow and he wouldn’t have seen Yuri until the morning as well. He just made the decision not to sleep too long and set his alarm to 8 a.m. Almost 4 hours of sleep was better than nothing.

He slipped out of his shoes, jeans and socks and only kept on his shirt and boxers before getting into bed.

 

The sunrays were tickling his face when he finally woke up. It took his eyes a minute to adjust to the light before his mind began racing. He’d certainly overslept since there’d been no alarm to wake him up.

“Shit”, he cursed as he checked his phone, but the battery had finally died down, so he practically jumped out of bed and hurried downstairs, dressing during his run, which almost made him fall down the stairs.

 

“Whoa, easy there! You’re going to break something”, Viktor called as he came to greet him in the hall.

 

“What time is it?”, Otabek hissed.

 

“About 11. There’s breakfast for you in the kitchen”, the Russian told him sweetly.

 

“Shit! I need to-!”

 

“No, don’t worry. I’ve called Yakov. Everything’s fine at your place, you can have breakfast in peace.”

 

Otabek sighed in relief, trying hard to calm down again. “Thanks, Viktor. Is Yuuri in the kitchen?”

 

The Russian nodded happily. He was such a sweet person, Otabek really had a hard time seeing him as a business partner when it came to it sometimes. They did have some business together, at least considering shared transportation routes. It was much easier to get new deals if you knew someone who was involved with the people already; they both benefitted from each other greatly in that aspect.

 

“Good morning, Otabek!”

Yuuri had been so shy when he’d met him for the first time. Viktor had done a great job at curing that.

 

“Morning, Yuuri”, he replied. “Thanks for making breakfast.”

 

“We’ll invite them over for dinner once Yuri’s better, what do you think?”, Viktor suggested.

 

Yuuri’s eyes lit up. “Yes, we really should! I could make Katsudon!”

 

Dinner at Viktor’s always meant the best cooking, because Yuuri and Viktor would prepare the best meals together. That was an invitation Otabek wasn’t going to deny.

“We’ll come!”

 

“Awesome!”

 

Otabek’s heart though sunk at the thought of Yuri. He was still hurt because of him and he still hadn’t spoken to him after it had happened. While there were days they didn’t talk much, especially after a fight, it bothered him not to be able to. Even though he wasn’t the clingy type, he missed Yuri’s presence these days.

His thoughts were only interrupted by a hand on his arm.

“He’s going to be alright in no time”, Viktor assured him and gently pulled him towards the table. “Don’t worry so much, it makes you look old.”

 

“Now who’s the old one, gramps?”, Otabek mocked him back. “You’re at least twice my age after all!”

 

“You keep saying that but it doesn’t make it true. Plus, my skin is flawless”, the Russian insisted and brushed his cheek down to his chin with his index and middle finger. “You’re just afraid you won’t look as good once you’re my age.”

 

“Tsk, that’s ages away anyhow!”

The three of them giggled together. Why did everything feel so light in this house and so heavy in his own? Just what was he doing wrong?

 

“Maccachin”, Yuuri exclaimed as their extremely cliché brown poodle walked into the kitchen. Just what on earth did Viktor think when he bought that pet? A Doberman or a Rottweiler would at least have made the man look a little more intimidating, but no one was afraid of a poodle, no matter how gigantic the dog was. And he was way too nice as well, just like everyone in this household.

 

Maybe he was just doing things wrong and he didn’t have to act all gangster after all, he thought to himself, but then quickly reminded himself of the people he was dealing with and figured he was way too nice for his business still. There was hardly anything intimidating about him sitting at the table with the fabulous Viktor Nikiforov and his housewife having house made breakfast while accompanied by their loyal poodle. He really should buy a tiger instead of a cat for Yuri in order to make up for this.

 

“You’re being too hard on yourself”, Viktor finally said as if he’d read his thoughts. “There’s no use in getting so fed up about things you can’t change.”

 

“But what if I can change them? I mean, just look at me. It doesn’t really come as a surprise that my business partners don’t take me seriously and start attacking me!”

 

“I don’t think that’s what it’s about. They rather attack you because of how intimidated they are. Don’t you think they’d just be testing their grounds with you? You’ve not been in business with them for too long after all”, the Russian assured him.

 

“I think you’re intimidating”, Yuuri added with a smile on his face that betrayed his words.

 

“Oh, good to know I’m able to scare someone who’s scared of horror movies so much that he can’t sleep alone for days after seeing one”, Otabek replied sarcastically.

 

“Otabek”, Viktor growled at him. “He was only cheering you up. No need to be mean!”

They both had found their weaknesses in their lovers, only that Yuri didn’t seem as fragile as Yuuri. But in the end, it didn’t matter because his Yuri was injured while Yuuri was just fine.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m just not in the mood for that right now”, he finally sighed and Yuuri’s face turned happy again.

 

“It’s okay! I can understand that. I can only imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes”, the Japanese said.

 

Otabek would have told him how he’d never be able to even imagine what it was like, but he decided not to. His life was much too rough for a soft person like Yuuri Katsuki. He wouldn’t be able to walk one day in his shoes. Although Yuuri was technically older than him, Otabek couldn’t help but see him as a younger person. With how fluffy he was there was no way to take the Japanese for a serious adult. Although he’d already become more grown up since he’d moved to Russia.

 

“You know, there wouldn’t be war if we all refused to fight”, the Kazakh said all of a sudden. “Who would work the weapons if we all didn’t?”

 

“You shouldn’t worry about things that are this hypothetical. I know it’s sad but none of us will live to ever see a world that peaceful. As long as there are humans, there will be war”, Viktor said bitterly and let his gaze wander through the room. “You could maybe make a change, though. You’re still involved in weapon import and export, which technically fuels war as well.”

 

“I know, don’t remind me of that. I really wanted to end all my father’s business after he passed, but you know how it is. It’s easier said than done. I mean, I would destroy all order in my districts after all. People would lose their jobs. And I would most definitely lose my life; Yuri as well. That’s a price I’m not willing to pay. I assume you understand that”, Otabek replied in the same bitter tone.

 

“In a way you’re much more trapped than Yuri is”, Viktor pointed out unnecessarily.

 

Otabek rolled his eyes. “Way to cheer me up, Vitya!”

 

“I’m sorry, but what good does it do to close your eyes to the truth?”

 

“Do we have to discuss such topics at breakfast?”, Yuuri now intervened, his face pale already.

 

“I’m sorry, Yuuri”, Otabek replied quickly. One could easily forget that it wasn’t as easy for anyone as it was for him, talking about what was his life; it was his daily bread after all.

 

The rest of their breakfast they spent with casual conversation and soon after, Otabek bid his thanks to the two of them and left for home. His car was still parked right in front of the mansion as Viktor didn’t have a parking service like most in their position did. Most people in their business were really weird, but in the sense that they were extremely rude or unfriendly, Viktor was weird because he was much too friendly for a gangster. The word seemed inappropriate as a description for him. He was refreshingly weird, though. There was no one else in the business Otabek would have want to spent private time with. Most of them were intimidating as fuck to be honest. It was what he was trying to be to them as well. He wondered if some of the others he’d made deals with were like him in a way that they were also putting on a mask, or if those people were actually just that disgusting. There wasn’t a single more suitable word for what they were; Otabek was repelled by their behavior. But Viktor calling him out had still hurt. He was right though; who was he to judge other people when he bought and sold weapons en masse? Also, he was still involved in human trafficking. There was no way he’d ever make peace with himself for all the lives he ruined on a daily basis. He was responsible for so much agony and death, it made him wonder how he could possibly sleep at night.

Busy with all those thoughts, he’d driven home automatically and only noticed that he was already there, when he turned into the driveway on instinct.

 

“Good morning, Otabek”, Yakov greeted him as he walked inside.

 

“Morning. Thanks for staying here during my absence. Anything new from Yuri?”

 

“The Doctor should be here soon. Maybe you want to go look after him beforehand?”, Yakov suggested.

 

“Sure.”

 

He took off his shoes for the sake of keeping as much bacteria outside as possible and then went into their bedroom.

“Yura, I’m back home. I was at Viktor’s. Viktor and Yuuri say to get well soon, do you hear me?”

It wasn’t like he really expected an answer at this point, but he couldn’t help himself.

 

“Beka”, Yuri whispered and it almost made Otabek’s heart drop.

 

“Shhh, don’t talk so much yet. You still need to get better”, the Kazakh said reflexively when all he wanted was to hear Yuri’s voice for the rest of the day. He couldn’t even repress the tears forming in his eyes.

 

“What happened?”, the boy almost whined, his voice hoarse from not being used for the past few days.

 

Otabek swallowed in hopes to get the lump in his throat to go away, but it wouldn’t budge. “You got shot. I’m so sorry, I couldn’t protect you.” The tears ran down his cheeks now, but he didn’t dare turn away. There was no way he’d miss a single second of the sight that was his lover looking at him for the first time in days.

 

“…hurts”, Yuri groaned.

 

“I know it does. I’m so sorry. They should have shot me, but chose you instead and I couldn’t protect you. I promise this will never happen again, I’m so sorry.”

Overwhelmed by his feelings Otabek even missed the sound of the door bell ringing and was therefore caught off guard when there was a knock at the door to his bedroom. He quickly wiped his face dry on his sleeves and cleared his throat.

“Come in.”

 

“Hello Mr. Altin, good to see you. How’s our patient?”, the Doctor asked friendly, his assistant in tow.

 

“He’s awake, but he says he hurts”, Otabek replied, fighting back further tears.

 

“That’s good news! The pain is only natural considering there’s still a wound on his back.”

The Doctor walked up to Yuri and introduced himself to the boy in order not to overwhelm him.

 

“Can I examine you real quick? I’ll then give you something for your pain, okay?”

Thankfully the guy was actually a trained doctor and not a veterinarian. Otabek remembered another doctor they’d worked with when he was younger, but the man had only been a trained veterinarian and therefore didn’t have any sympathy for his human patients.

 

“Mr. Altin, please bring him a glass of water, yeah?”

Another person who didn’t talk to him as if he was what he actually was: their boss. But he also felt there was no use in making the Doctor respect him more, after all, their cooperation went well.

 

Otabek eyed the Doctor who was back to examining Yuri’s heart beat for a second, before he turned to leave for the kitchen. “Sure.”

 

When he returned with a bottle of still water and a glass that he’d already filled the Doctor was looking at the wound on Yuri’s back. When the boy winced in pain at a touch from the man, Otabek felt a surge of anger flare up in him, although he knew the Doctor wasn’t hurting Yuri on purpose.

“Hey, watch what you do!”

 

“I am, but I have to examine this closely. There is no use in me not doing this and then it gets infected without us noticing, right?”

 

Of course he was right, but the Kazakh couldn’t help his temperament. With this all practically being his fault, he’d only become more protective of the boy than he’d been before.

 

“It’s okay, Beka”, Yuri told him, his voice still weak.

 

“Yura, don’t. I’ve gotten you some water for your throat. Here”, Otabek told him in the softest voice and held the glass to his lips, allowing him to drink some of it. Half of it actually ran down his cheek and soaked into the pillow beneath, making the boy flinch.

 

“I’m sorry”, he said after Otabek had placed the glass on the night stand. “This is embarrassing.”

 

“Not at all, don’t worry. There’s nothing I’d ever find embarrassing about you”, the Kazakh told him lovingly.

 

“Beka…”

Yuri could barely keep his eyes open after the Doctor had connected a new IV bag to him.

 

“This is something against his pain. Actually try to keep him awake until this is empty and then we’ll switch it back to saline”, the Doctor told Otabek, who nodded in understanding.

 

“Hey, Yuratchka, you still want that cat?”, he asked his lover and carefully caressed his cheek. God, his skin felt so dry.

 

“Mh-hm”, was the only answer.

 

“You can’t fall asleep now, do you hear me? Just a few more minutes, then I’ll let you.”

 

“But I’m tired”, he whined.

 

Otabek bit his lower lip. Yuri looked so fragile, the sight was unbearable.

“I know, just a few more minutes. You know what? I’ll buy you a cat.”

 

“But I want like ten.”

 

“Then we’ll get ten. What should we call them all?”, he asked, barely holding back a giggle at the thought of owning ten cats.

 

“Puma Tiger Scorpion”, Yuri answered wearily.

 

“But that’s only three names”, Otabek protested.

 

“No, it’s one!”

 

“That’s only one name? How can that be?”, he truly wondered.

 

“Yeah, we’ll shorten it to ‘Potya’. It’s awesome”, Yuri barely slurred.

 

“So we’ll have ten cats called Potya?”

 

“Whatever, Beka, whatever…”

He now couldn’t stay awake any longer, but it was fine. The IV was almost through anyhow.

 

“It’s fine, Yuratchka, I’ll get you a cat called Potya. You just go back to sleep and get well soon”, he whispered and then proceeded to kiss the boy’s forehead. He couldn’t wait to properly kiss him again and to be doing daily things with him again like the breakfast he’d had with Viktor and Yuuri this morning.

 

Now he’d actually have to get a cat for Yuri.

 

“I don’t want to spoil the fun, but if you actually want to get him a cat, you should better wait until he’s much better and his immune system is active again for cats always come with the risk of toxoplasmosis which can be dangerous for people with a weak immune system”, the Doctor remarked.

 

“That’s indeed spoiling the fun. I didn’t know that.”

He sighed. He’d hoped he could just buy a cat and surprise Yuri with it, but then again it was probably best if he took Yuri with him and let him pick the pet himself. He didn’t even know what kind of cats the boy liked. He made a mental note to take him to the animal shelter once he was allowed outside again.

 

“Puma Tiger Scorpion”, he repeated to himself. It was such a Yuri thing to pick a name like that. “Potya for short.” He could dig that.

He just hoped Yuri liked the ones with the longer fur as well, because he’d always found them to look much cooler than the shorthaired ones.

They’d probably find the coolest cat in the shelter and the thought alone made him smile in anticipation. Now he really wanted Yuri to get well soon, so they could go pick a cat together. It would bring a little life to the house as well and he could already imagine Yuri occupying the couch with a cat in his lap.

Just for a silly moment, Otabek was able to forget about business and the fact that any cat was probably bound to outlive them.


End file.
